So it seems I spoke too soon - not quite out of the woods of depression yet. But I'm working on it.
In somewhat related news, the depression, combined with some good talks with friends, has sparked a contemplative fire within me. I can't stop thinking about Big Things and the Big Picture. There are changes I'd like to make, but changes are scary and require effort and work to affect. I'm not always so great at getting over my anxiety and lack of motivation to cause said changes, but I feel like it's time once again to move forward. I know I'm being vague, but I'm not quite ready to commit to these changes, or admit to them for that matter. Some of them are deeply personal. While others, like reboarding the diet and exercise wagon, are more surface matter.
Last year was all about accepting who I am, this is the year that's supposed to be about moving forward. It's already May and I feel like I've let myself down a bit. But the year isn't over yet. I don't want to put too much pressure on myself, but I'm tired of saying "I wish I was more this" and/or "I want to be more like that." I can't change everything in my life, but there are certain things I definitely can if only I can stretch my boundaries just a little bit more. One of my best friends told me how much better I am now as opposed to this time last year - I want him to be able to say the same thing about me next year. Even better, I'd like him to be able to say it about me next week.
I want to be the person I want to become.
~Dorkopotamus (aka Katy)
Friday, May 14, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Oh...um...hi!
Yeah so it's been forever since I posted. That's what happens when you get depressed for a month or so and are all hanging out in a pit of despair and wallowing in your issues and refusing to come out and say hello because dammit you're comfortable in your sad little pit.
That being said, in an effort to start writing again now that I've emerged triumphant from this latest bout of "woe is me," I am reintroducing myself to the blog.
Hello blog, I'm Katy. Nice to meetcha. Well, re-meetcha. Long time no see.
~Dorkopotamus (aka Katy)
That being said, in an effort to start writing again now that I've emerged triumphant from this latest bout of "woe is me," I am reintroducing myself to the blog.
Hello blog, I'm Katy. Nice to meetcha. Well, re-meetcha. Long time no see.
~Dorkopotamus (aka Katy)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Reunited and it feels so Good
How much have i missed writing? Like, SO MUCH. I am so thrilled to be back (for God knows how long, but still..)and writing! And write i shall, however mundane my life may seem, i shall fill the Internet with minutiae and i will feel glorious. So, welcome me back ladies and gentlemen, bringing you the small and insignificant but utterly intimate and foremost aspects of my life.
Tortoise Shell
So im looking for modern tortoise shell eyeglass frames....round, cats eyes, even horn rim - i've always wanted to splurge on a pair, and while i dont have an actual dime to splurge with...and though my children have broken EVERY pair of glasses ive owned for the last five years (true story) i really want to just say F-it. I mean, after all, how often do i spend $ on myself? Next to never (maybe because i dont have any $ to spend in general)! Ok, i know, its probably an irresponsible purchase, but i figure (as my hubby would say) "its an investment." In what you ask? Well how about my self esteem, which is dangerously low these days. Im tired of being fat (yet i never work out; when i do have time, im so tired id rather sit and eat. LOL). Im tired of my pony tail! Im tired of my wardrobe from 5 years ago (although they have really hung in there. Gap jeans are indestructible, right?) And while most days i figure, as a stay at home mom, why do i need anything other than my boot cuts, a ratty t-shirt for little sticky fingers covered in maple syrup and paint, and my hair pulled back out of my eyes alla pony tail - there are days now and again, especially when said jeans are getting a bit tight (yikes) when i catch my reflection in the mirror and i cringe, or cry, or just shriek.
To sum up, though my car may need tires, my chimney sweeping, a BBQ would be nice and helpful, so would an inspection on the car - i think new glasses is the way to go, dont you?
To sum up, though my car may need tires, my chimney sweeping, a BBQ would be nice and helpful, so would an inspection on the car - i think new glasses is the way to go, dont you?
Monday, May 3, 2010
Troubling week
Borrowing my hubby's computer tonight....
i know no one has been waiting around - peeking in time to time in hopes i might come back - thats better anyway for now. It will making writing easier if I know its mostly for myself ...
Im writing tonight cuz im loosing my grip - a bit. a wee bit.
Here's the thing....parenthood - how do you know? how do you know youre getting it right? I dont, i just know, for a while now, i havent liked how ive been as a mom. So all the kids are washed, changed, fed - and by the time i fiinish i have to start all over again - and there is no time - NONE - no time for fun - for learning - for adventures. Where is my energy for such things? Where is patience??? Im not tired, exactly - someone said i looked spent - and who cares really? Exept it makes everything else more difficult, and thats another thing, not only is it affecting how i interact with the kids, but im just falling apart - losing it, you know? And i keep looking for something deep down in myself to get a grip, grab hold of the day and make it what i want it to be...but there is just confusion and nerves....
I tell myself, "come on, get back up."
There are things i just want to do better, there is more i want to be, more that i expect of myself - i need to rally.
Come on, get back up.
i know no one has been waiting around - peeking in time to time in hopes i might come back - thats better anyway for now. It will making writing easier if I know its mostly for myself ...
Im writing tonight cuz im loosing my grip - a bit. a wee bit.
Here's the thing....parenthood - how do you know? how do you know youre getting it right? I dont, i just know, for a while now, i havent liked how ive been as a mom. So all the kids are washed, changed, fed - and by the time i fiinish i have to start all over again - and there is no time - NONE - no time for fun - for learning - for adventures. Where is my energy for such things? Where is patience??? Im not tired, exactly - someone said i looked spent - and who cares really? Exept it makes everything else more difficult, and thats another thing, not only is it affecting how i interact with the kids, but im just falling apart - losing it, you know? And i keep looking for something deep down in myself to get a grip, grab hold of the day and make it what i want it to be...but there is just confusion and nerves....
I tell myself, "come on, get back up."
There are things i just want to do better, there is more i want to be, more that i expect of myself - i need to rally.
Come on, get back up.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Sadness
So, with the computer broken and lack of options available, i've kinda been missing from the blog scene. I hope this will be resolved soon -
~Kim
~Kim
Thursday, April 1, 2010
PAX East!
Last Friday, the hubby, DB, Huggy (my friend who is known for his hug-giving prowess, and enjoyment of same), and I trekked into the city to attend PAX East. A fun time was had by all. The End.
I should probably elaborate.
First, the hubby, Huggy, and I went to The Pour House for lunch, which is this super awesome, low-key, bar and grill with really great bar food and a fun "brick walls with graffiti on them" type atmosphere. The hubby had been telling me about this place for years, but I'd never been. Highlight of the meal definitely had to be the wings appetizer - it consisted of four different flavors of wings: teriyaki, jerk, Thai, and buffalo. Sooo good. I was all about the teriyaki style, and didn't leave many behind. I think I allowed the hubby and Huggy one or two each (to be fair, I didn't really eat many of the other flavors).
After our bellies were nice and full, we went to the Hynes Convention Center, badges in hand, and met up with DB for a rousing game of Waiting On Line For Things To Happen. Highlight of the Line Game...I would vote the girl in the slutty Pikachu costume.
Side note: I just tried to Google a pic of the Pikachu girl, and instead came up with this BRILLIANT Craigslist posting:
You were sexy pikachu at PAX - m4w - 25 (Hynes)
At PAX East, you were dressed like a sexy pikachu, with a yellow skirt, ears, and painted cheeks. I was one of the thousands of male attendees. You shot me a glance once when we crossed paths. Let me know if you want to go get coffee or something sometime.
Hahaha, amazing. Anyways.
Then The Awesome Foursome (see what I did there? I made it sorta kinda rhyme because that's how I roll) grabbed balcony seats for Wil Wheaton's keynote address. Highlight of the speech? ALL OF IT. It was nerdy as all anything and chock-full of geeky references. It made me feel proud to be as nerdy as I am, and with an entire huge room filled with people all feeling the same exact way, I really got the warm and fuzzies during the speech. Wil is definitely a Geek God. Below please find an adorable pic of the hubby and I waiting for the speech to begin, along with a fun shot of the main theater.
Next up was a Q&A with the guys from Penny Arcade, but we opted to head out to the floor to see what games were being shown. And boy, there was everything you could think of. From indie board games, to Magic cards, to PC and console games galore, it was nerdgasmic. We didn't stay on the main floor of it too long, though, as it was really crowded and we didn't really feel the need to wait on line to test any of the video games. However, the hubby and I did manage to get talked into buying a new indie board game to add to our ever-growing collection. After a long talk with a board game geek (or two or three) at one of the booths, we walked away with Dungeon Lords. And so far, we love the game. From their website:
Dungeon Lords is a game for 2 to 4 aspiring Dungeon Lords. You get to dig tunnels, mine gold, hire monsters, create traps and care about all the things a proper dungeon needs. It is not easy, as the competition for resources is stiff and sometimes you have to get a bit evil to get what you want – and the more evil you get, the stronger the adventurers your dungeon attracts.
It's got some very tongue-in-cheek humor to it. If you know anything about indie board games, it's got a worker placement phase similar to Agricola, followed by a puzzle phase in which you utilize what damage you have available as best you can against the adventurers. Score are based upon victory points received for adventurers captured, dungeon rooms constructed, and titles earned. Good times. Definitely the highlight of the floor...although, the Magic card photo is a close, close second - see picture below for instant hilarity.
So you know how I said I get all bashful and retarded around famous people I like? Well, it's not just famous people that I get stupid around. Honestly, it could be around anybody, for any particular reason. I'm just wired that way. I blush easily, trip over my own words (and feet) easily, and squee and grin like an idiot when happy. I even clap my hands like a little kid. Yeah. Did I mention I'm a Dorkopotamus? Because I really, really am.
Case in point - DB does not like physical contact. It's kind of thing with him. It's super fun to tease him about, because he'll flinch and whine like a puppy if you even come close to poking him, let alone doing something as drastic as hugging him. Therefore, it's kind of a not-so-secret goal of mine to hug him. So far, I've hugged him a total of three times. Now that may not seem like a lot, but it really is. The first was during a really rough time for me, he was sweet and offered me a hug to comfort me (because secretly he's not actually a DB, but don't tell him I told you). The second time, I surprise-hugged him as punishment for him belching in my face. It was a fair punishment.
Now the third time, happened at PAX East. We were all being indecisive about what to do next on our magical mystery tour of PAX, and he said to me, point-blank, "If you make a decision, I'll let you hug me." Bam, I made a decision before the words were even completely out of his mouth. He tried to renege on the deal and I was like, oh no, screw that. So I hugged him, and he half-heartedly hugged me back, and I got giddy and stupid and blushed and made a fool out of myself. And now, he teases me about it mercilessly. Sigh. Just imagine how retarded I was in middle school/high school/college around boys I actually had crushes upon? Oh, it was bad. Just ask Kim - she'll be more than happy to tell you my "carried a watermelon" story (ala Dirty Dancing).
Long story short, I don't hide my emotions very well when I'm happy.
Okay, back on track. My favoritest part of the day had to be getting to "rent out" indie board games from a room filled with them, like a board game library. It was a nerd's wet dream. Just drop off some ID, grab a game, and then head to another room where tables and chairs were all set up for you to play. We tried out two that day: Dominion and Power Grid. Both were totally different and totally awesomesauce, and we now need to own and play regularly. I really like board games.
From their website, in Dominion:
You are a monarch, like your parents before you, a ruler of a small pleasant kingdom of rivers and evergreens. Unlike your parents, however, you have hopes and dreams! You want a bigger and more pleasant kingdom, with more rivers and a wider variety of trees. You want a Dominion!
It's a card management game not totally unlike Magic, only it's a strict set of cards that all the players are building up their decks from during the game. Each round you play cards to get cards, with the end goal being to buy up the cards that are worth victory points at the end of the game. I was surprised at how much fun I had playing it - I really liked that there are multiple strategies. Like DB and I played completely differently with completely different cards in our decks, and yet there was only a one-point difference between our scores at the end of the game.
From their website, in Power Grid:
The object of Power Grid is to supply the most cities with power when someone’s network gains a predetermined size. In this new edition, players mark pre-existing routes between cities for connection, and then vie against other players to purchase the powerplants that you use to supply the power. However, as plants are purchased, newer more efficient plants become available so you’re potentially allowing others to access to superior equipment merely by purchasing at all. Additionally, players must acquire the raw materials, like coal, oil, garbage, or uranium, to power said plants(except for the highly valuable ’renewable energy’ wind/solar plants), making it a constant struggle to upgrade your plants for maximum efficiency while still retaining enough wealth to quickly expand your network to get the cheapest routes.
Their description makes it sound really boring, but in reality it's quite fun. I don't know how else to describe it, as it's unlike any of the other games I've previously played. You want to most cities (to gain money and eventually win), powered by the most efficient plants (that you acquire through bidding), with the easiest to get resources needed to power the plants (that you acquire with money). It's a lot of resource and money management, but not tedious at all. I didn't enjoy it as much as I did Dominion, but I think it's one that needs to be played a few times before you really get the hang of it.
And there you have it. My experience at PAX East. I wish I'd been up for going on Saturday as well, but I was so so so tired. That day, in addition to trying more board games and actually making it to the concert, the hubby and Huggy played Dungeons & Dragons, led by an experienced DM from Wizards of the Coast. I'm really sad I missed out on that, but there's always next year! I already can't wait.
~Dorkopotamus (aka Katy)
P.S. - I also saw an Axe Cop cosplay!!!!!!!! Axe Cop is this amazing webcomic that's written by a very imaginative 5-year-old and drawn by his 29-year-old artist brother. You should go and check it out because it is the greatest.
I should probably elaborate.
First, the hubby, Huggy, and I went to The Pour House for lunch, which is this super awesome, low-key, bar and grill with really great bar food and a fun "brick walls with graffiti on them" type atmosphere. The hubby had been telling me about this place for years, but I'd never been. Highlight of the meal definitely had to be the wings appetizer - it consisted of four different flavors of wings: teriyaki, jerk, Thai, and buffalo. Sooo good. I was all about the teriyaki style, and didn't leave many behind. I think I allowed the hubby and Huggy one or two each (to be fair, I didn't really eat many of the other flavors).
After our bellies were nice and full, we went to the Hynes Convention Center, badges in hand, and met up with DB for a rousing game of Waiting On Line For Things To Happen. Highlight of the Line Game...I would vote the girl in the slutty Pikachu costume.
Side note: I just tried to Google a pic of the Pikachu girl, and instead came up with this BRILLIANT Craigslist posting:
You were sexy pikachu at PAX - m4w - 25 (Hynes)
At PAX East, you were dressed like a sexy pikachu, with a yellow skirt, ears, and painted cheeks. I was one of the thousands of male attendees. You shot me a glance once when we crossed paths. Let me know if you want to go get coffee or something sometime.
Hahaha, amazing. Anyways.
Then The Awesome Foursome (see what I did there? I made it sorta kinda rhyme because that's how I roll) grabbed balcony seats for Wil Wheaton's keynote address. Highlight of the speech? ALL OF IT. It was nerdy as all anything and chock-full of geeky references. It made me feel proud to be as nerdy as I am, and with an entire huge room filled with people all feeling the same exact way, I really got the warm and fuzzies during the speech. Wil is definitely a Geek God. Below please find an adorable pic of the hubby and I waiting for the speech to begin, along with a fun shot of the main theater.
Next up was a Q&A with the guys from Penny Arcade, but we opted to head out to the floor to see what games were being shown. And boy, there was everything you could think of. From indie board games, to Magic cards, to PC and console games galore, it was nerdgasmic. We didn't stay on the main floor of it too long, though, as it was really crowded and we didn't really feel the need to wait on line to test any of the video games. However, the hubby and I did manage to get talked into buying a new indie board game to add to our ever-growing collection. After a long talk with a board game geek (or two or three) at one of the booths, we walked away with Dungeon Lords. And so far, we love the game. From their website:
Dungeon Lords is a game for 2 to 4 aspiring Dungeon Lords. You get to dig tunnels, mine gold, hire monsters, create traps and care about all the things a proper dungeon needs. It is not easy, as the competition for resources is stiff and sometimes you have to get a bit evil to get what you want – and the more evil you get, the stronger the adventurers your dungeon attracts.
It's got some very tongue-in-cheek humor to it. If you know anything about indie board games, it's got a worker placement phase similar to Agricola, followed by a puzzle phase in which you utilize what damage you have available as best you can against the adventurers. Score are based upon victory points received for adventurers captured, dungeon rooms constructed, and titles earned. Good times. Definitely the highlight of the floor...although, the Magic card photo is a close, close second - see picture below for instant hilarity.
Har har har! You can tell by our expressions that we are terrified of the dreaded Eldrazi Death Hug!
Around this time we also got on line to meet MC Frontalot and snag his new CD. He is teh awesome, and I wish I had gotten up the courage to ask for a picture with him. But alas, I am stupid and bashful around even semi-famous people that I admire. So DB snagged a pic of the hubby's head and MC Frontalot for me, since I was a total chicken. Alas, we did not get to see him in concert that night because:
1. The music was ridiculously too loud and we all had terrible headaches from watching one of the other bands.
2. When 12:30am rolled around and he still wasn't on stage, we were all becoming really frustrated.
3. And said headache turned into a migraine for the hubby, and he had work early the next day so I was a good wife and took him home.
4. Sadness. I know this doesn't really belong in this list, but I felt it nonetheless, so here it is.
So you know how I said I get all bashful and retarded around famous people I like? Well, it's not just famous people that I get stupid around. Honestly, it could be around anybody, for any particular reason. I'm just wired that way. I blush easily, trip over my own words (and feet) easily, and squee and grin like an idiot when happy. I even clap my hands like a little kid. Yeah. Did I mention I'm a Dorkopotamus? Because I really, really am.
Case in point - DB does not like physical contact. It's kind of thing with him. It's super fun to tease him about, because he'll flinch and whine like a puppy if you even come close to poking him, let alone doing something as drastic as hugging him. Therefore, it's kind of a not-so-secret goal of mine to hug him. So far, I've hugged him a total of three times. Now that may not seem like a lot, but it really is. The first was during a really rough time for me, he was sweet and offered me a hug to comfort me (because secretly he's not actually a DB, but don't tell him I told you). The second time, I surprise-hugged him as punishment for him belching in my face. It was a fair punishment.
Now the third time, happened at PAX East. We were all being indecisive about what to do next on our magical mystery tour of PAX, and he said to me, point-blank, "If you make a decision, I'll let you hug me." Bam, I made a decision before the words were even completely out of his mouth. He tried to renege on the deal and I was like, oh no, screw that. So I hugged him, and he half-heartedly hugged me back, and I got giddy and stupid and blushed and made a fool out of myself. And now, he teases me about it mercilessly. Sigh. Just imagine how retarded I was in middle school/high school/college around boys I actually had crushes upon? Oh, it was bad. Just ask Kim - she'll be more than happy to tell you my "carried a watermelon" story (ala Dirty Dancing).
Long story short, I don't hide my emotions very well when I'm happy.
Okay, back on track. My favoritest part of the day had to be getting to "rent out" indie board games from a room filled with them, like a board game library. It was a nerd's wet dream. Just drop off some ID, grab a game, and then head to another room where tables and chairs were all set up for you to play. We tried out two that day: Dominion and Power Grid. Both were totally different and totally awesomesauce, and we now need to own and play regularly. I really like board games.
From their website, in Dominion:
You are a monarch, like your parents before you, a ruler of a small pleasant kingdom of rivers and evergreens. Unlike your parents, however, you have hopes and dreams! You want a bigger and more pleasant kingdom, with more rivers and a wider variety of trees. You want a Dominion!
It's a card management game not totally unlike Magic, only it's a strict set of cards that all the players are building up their decks from during the game. Each round you play cards to get cards, with the end goal being to buy up the cards that are worth victory points at the end of the game. I was surprised at how much fun I had playing it - I really liked that there are multiple strategies. Like DB and I played completely differently with completely different cards in our decks, and yet there was only a one-point difference between our scores at the end of the game.
From their website, in Power Grid:
The object of Power Grid is to supply the most cities with power when someone’s network gains a predetermined size. In this new edition, players mark pre-existing routes between cities for connection, and then vie against other players to purchase the powerplants that you use to supply the power. However, as plants are purchased, newer more efficient plants become available so you’re potentially allowing others to access to superior equipment merely by purchasing at all. Additionally, players must acquire the raw materials, like coal, oil, garbage, or uranium, to power said plants(except for the highly valuable ’renewable energy’ wind/solar plants), making it a constant struggle to upgrade your plants for maximum efficiency while still retaining enough wealth to quickly expand your network to get the cheapest routes.
Their description makes it sound really boring, but in reality it's quite fun. I don't know how else to describe it, as it's unlike any of the other games I've previously played. You want to most cities (to gain money and eventually win), powered by the most efficient plants (that you acquire through bidding), with the easiest to get resources needed to power the plants (that you acquire with money). It's a lot of resource and money management, but not tedious at all. I didn't enjoy it as much as I did Dominion, but I think it's one that needs to be played a few times before you really get the hang of it.
And there you have it. My experience at PAX East. I wish I'd been up for going on Saturday as well, but I was so so so tired. That day, in addition to trying more board games and actually making it to the concert, the hubby and Huggy played Dungeons & Dragons, led by an experienced DM from Wizards of the Coast. I'm really sad I missed out on that, but there's always next year! I already can't wait.
~Dorkopotamus (aka Katy)
P.S. - I also saw an Axe Cop cosplay!!!!!!!! Axe Cop is this amazing webcomic that's written by a very imaginative 5-year-old and drawn by his 29-year-old artist brother. You should go and check it out because it is the greatest.
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