Being bipolar is fun. And by fun, I mean not at all fun. In fact, by not at all fun, I mean downright frustrating/terrible/annoying as hell. You see where I'm going with this?
So in August, after having to quit what is arguably the best job I've ever had, I applied for disability due to my aforementioned non-fun bipolarness (not a word). It's been a cycle throughout my life to get something like an awesome job, or do well in a great school, and then crash and burn in a most spectacular fashion by being cray-cray to the max. Super fun times. So, like I said, I decided to apply for disability so that I at least will have some income coming in since I apparently can't hold a grownup job like a "normal" person.
That's the short version.
Today, I had a meeting with a disability-appointed psychiatrist to evaluate my condition. I honestly don't think it went very well, and I am kind of wrecked about this fact. He kept telling me how "well-spoken and put-together I seem." Well la-dee-freaking-da. Just because I can hold a conversation and not come across as a moron, that means I am able to hold a job?? I don't freaking think so! Just because I can get straight A's easily, or interview really well, does not mean I can do these things for any real length of time. I've come to understand my limitations, I really have. I don't like them, but I understand them. And I fully intend to try to get some kind of low-stress, easy as hell, part time job At Some Point. But I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that this psychiatrist assumes that because I am not a moron, I am perfectly fine and capable. Bah. If only it were that easy.
~Dorkopotamus (aka Katy)
*hugs*
ReplyDeleteAlthough I cannot fully understand as I am not bipolar, I do feel some of your pain. When my depression and anxiety were at their worst, people at work would always say, "You always seem so happy. I don't understand why you need to take those [meaning my meds]." Morons.